“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” –Socrates

Dating with the right purpose in mind is a lot like driving a car.  There’s not one “perfect” way to drive a car, but there are many wrong ways.  Driving into oncoming traffic or into a tree, for example, are wrong ways to rive.  It is also wrong to drive without knowing where you’re going.  That is, if you want to get to Omaha, Nebraska from where you are, you shouldn’t just accelerate onto a random freeway going in any direction.  You could end up in California, Kentucky, or even (bless your soul) Mesquite, Nevada.  To get to your destination, you’re going to need a map–not just any map either, but a current one.  Dating is no different.

Dating, LDS Dating in particular, with a purpose provides perspective for the journey.  Always keep in mind the purpose of exaltation.  Yes, you may—and most likely will–need to date a lot of people before you discover who you’re really looking for.  But as you move forward, you should at least have a good sense of why you’re doing what you’re doing.  Otherwise, you can end up far from where you want to be.  Derek, for example, constantly dated girls he had very little interest in marrying.  Yes, he was physically attracted to them and he enjoyed their personalities.  However, when asked if those he dated were the type of women he wanted to be his wife and the mother of his children, he responded, “No.  Not even.  I’m just dating them for fun.”

Derek’s story is, unfortunately, fairly common.  However, someone who follows his footsteps may find that the road that leads to momentary pleasure often leads to eternal wifelessness.  The better road, recommended by the Brethren, is to be serious about the people you date.  This means that you should be thinking in terms of this being a person who you and the Lord can approve of.  After all, when everything is said and done, you will be the one living with the person you choose to marry for all eternity.  Remember that you marry who you date.

Throughout the Church, more young adult men are making the mistake of just hanging out instead of really dating (LDS Dating). Says one study, “The top three factors to delay marriage for BYU students, according to this study are the fear of making a mistake, the need for emotional maturity and the fear of responsibility.  In the 1950s, the era of the traditional family, people got married young–men at 22 and women at 20….Since the ’50s, marriage age has increased, creating a larger gap of single people pursuing education and professions.” (Angela M. Fischer, “Twixters Not Ready to Grow Up,” Daily Universe, June 20, 2005.  Results from a study conducted by Richard McClendon, associate director of Brigham Young University’s Office of Institutional Assessment and Analysis).

As a dater of this generation, you have your challenges, but certainly the Lord expects this generation to be great, one that moves forward as you prepare your marriage and family for the Second Coming of the Savior.  Facing the future responsibly–without fear of making mistakes and while exercising emotional maturity–will prepare you for what you need to do.  And yet, some of the problems you currently face are surely related to the times.

One such problem is that many young adults of this generation are either not taking marriage seriously or are avoiding it entirely.  What is the solution to this marriage avoidance issue?  What can be done to help young people realize their most important responsibility in life?

Elder Bruce R. McConkie offered this counsel:

“When we as Latter-day Saints talk about marriage, we are talking about a holy, celestial order.  We are talking about a system out of which can grow the greatest love, joy, peace, happiness, and serenity known to humankind.   We are talking about creating a family unit that has the potential of being everlasting and eternal, a family unit where a man and a wife can go on in that relationship to all eternity…We are talking about creating a unit more important than the Church, more important than any organization that exists on earth or in heaven, a unit out of which exaltation and eternal life grow, and when we talk about eternal life, we are talking about the kind of life that God our Heavenly Father lives.” (”Celestial Marriage,” New Era, 12 June 1978, 12).

Throughout history, men and women have left legacies in their work, but no legacy is greater than that of being part of a blessed marriage and bearing righteous posterity that can positively influence a struggling world.  Clearly, we need to make such a legacy our priority.  In the movie Legacy, one character notes, “Remember that with pain, suffering, and patience, God also allows us joy.”  When we interviewed Academy Award–winning filmmaker Kieth Merrill, director of the film Legacy, he said, “Marry the right person.  Prepare.  And remember your temple covenants.  Don’t ever compromise.  Make the important decisions only once.”

Any thoughts, questions, comments?