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|Dating Right Means Never Giving Up
Wednesday, August 18th, 2010
In life and especially in dating, comfort zones are funny things. They can be helpful, but comfort zones that keep us from doing great things are never helpful. To break free from worthless comfort zones like the fear of speaking to or wooing your potential spouse, you need to be bold. Be willing to experience new things, new emotions, and even new disappointments.
So, talk to the person you are most interested in dating. Go on a date. Be bold and spontaneous, and make it fun. Keep moving forward even when things don’t seem exactly the way you want them to be. Often life will bring disappointments. It’s what we do with those that matters. Do we give up? No, we put our shoulder to the wheel, and press on with the faith of our forefathers, not stopping until the promise land is reached.
By the time I was in my late 20s, although I had dated quite a bit, I had exhausted my list of best dating methods. And I was still wifeless. I had tried dating to find Sister Deaver in my Singles Ward. Failed. I had tried Institute Dances. Failed. I had even tried knocking doors at BYU with my friend Don to find her that way. Failed. One day, some young women in my ward invited me and my roommates to a country dance. Having grown up in California, my experience was that if you listened to country music, you were either made fun of or beat up. But, since I had tried just about everything else to find my wife, I decided to go to the country dance. When we arrived at the dance, I realized that we had to pay $5 to get in. Being thrifty (my wife would say, “cheap”), I was reluctant. My roommate Patrick footed the bill for me (for which I will be eternally grateful).
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Inspiring Article: “Losing My Father”
Friday, July 30th, 2010
Chris Deaver, co-author of Fearless Dating, recently had an inspiring article about Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness for families, published in the New Era Magazine.
You can find the text version here. You can find the audio version here. Enjoy!
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God Bless the Broken Road
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010
There’s an excellent song by Rascal Flatts with these words:
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
(Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts)
Remember that the Lord knows you, what you’ve been through, where you are in life, and He even knows who you will ultimately marry. He is preparing that person for you, as you prepare yourself for that person. And, you may feel that you are going down a “broken road”. But, truly the Lord is blessing that road to lead you to the eternal happiness you so deeply desire. So, get out there and date. Don’t worry about finding the perfect person immediately–know that it’s a process of elimination that often takes a great deal of time and effort, and dating.
In the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 58, verses 27-29, the Lord stated it perfectly clear when he said, ” Verily I say, men should be aanxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;
For the power is in them, wherein they are aagents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their breward.
Tags: Chris Deaver
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Julia Deaver, co-author of Fearless Dating, signing books at the BYU Bookstore on April 29th, 4-6pm
Wednesday, April 21st, 2010
Chris & Julia Deaver
Join in for this exclusive opportunity to get your copy of Fearless Dating signed by Julia Deaver, co-author of Fearless Dating. She will be in the BYU Bookstore on April 29th, 4-6pm (along with Women’s Conference at BYU). Julia is an engaging, amazing woman with a principle-centered perspective that she is excited to share. So, feel free to meet her and get your book signed!
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Powerful talk from an Apostle for Singles
Saturday, February 20th, 2010
This is a great talk from an Apostle of the Lord.
In it, he outlines some powerful principles for any single adult looking to succeed in life and eternity.
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The Missing Grocery List Item: Be Bold in Dating
Friday, February 5th, 2010
Fearless dating means to be bold. Take chances. Be spontaneous. Alma told his son Shiblon that he should “use boldness, but not overbearance” (Alma 38:12). Those who demonstrate overbearance are easy to identify as the annoying guys or girls who never seem to get a clue, but do way too much to be noticed. On the other hand, those who are bold can be recognized fairly easily as those who do not shrink from challenging circumstances, but who willingly move forward even when things may be unclear or seem risky.
Joseph Lewis had dated many different girls, but had never given up his dream of meeting his worthy, beautiful companion. He had tried many different methods to find Sister Right, but to no avail. But he kept trying. And he was bold. He asked girls out who were highly qualified for marriage, and he kept his options open. But he was stuck, and couldn’t seem to find his helpmeet. He moved to Utah, where he knew the concentration of LDS girls was high.
One day Joseph was shopping for groceries when he noticed a beautiful girl in one of the lines. He stepped immediately into that line, behind her. He said hello, then exchanged some basic information with her, like their names, where they were from, etc. And then he noticed that she was holding a grocery list. He looked at it, and asked, “Can I see your list for a second?” She handed it to him, and he noticed it had items with checkmarks next to them. Then, he wrote down, “Email Joseph”, and wrote down his email address. He handed her the list and said, “Looks like you missed one thing.” She laughed.
Joseph walked away from that situation having been extremely bold, but not certain whether or not she would contact him. Soon after, he received an email from her, asking him to do something sometime. The result? They dated for several months, got engaged, and were married in the Temple shortly thereafter. The key? Boldness.
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LDS Dating: Choosing the Right Date (aka. Avoiding Monumental Acts of Stupidity)
Sunday, January 10th, 2010
“And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.
“Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, throught he great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself” (2 Nephi 2:26-27).
Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we have been given the blessed gift of agency. It is the freedom to choose the right, to make the best decisions, and to therefore be blessed eternally. What are the right decisions in Dating, especially LDS Dating? Here are some examples of both wrong and right choices.
Some Wrong Choices
I won’t ask out many people because I fear rejection.
Why? Being rejected is never a reason to give up hope. In fact, almost every happily married person experienced some sort of rejection in dating. Rejection is difficult to face, but it may be very helpful in guiding you along to the right person.
I only go to the movies on a first date.
Why? Spending two hours together in silence as you watch a movie is not conducive to conversation. It often leads quickly down “No Second Date Road.”
I’d make sure to be totally alone with my date from the get-go.
Why? Church leaders recommend being in public places together, and not alone in places like a parked car, because it can lead to serious sin that was completely preventable. Good intentions, no matter how good, don’t go well with potentially bad situations.
Tags: Chris Deaver
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LDS Dating: Don’t Procrastinate the Day of Marriage
Sunday, January 10th, 2010
“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” –Socrates
Dating with the right purpose in mind is a lot like driving a car. There’s not one “perfect” way to drive a car, but there are many wrong ways. Driving into oncoming traffic or into a tree, for example, are wrong ways to rive. It is also wrong to drive without knowing where you’re going. That is, if you want to get to Omaha, Nebraska from where you are, you shouldn’t just accelerate onto a random freeway going in any direction. You could end up in California, Kentucky, or even (bless your soul) Mesquite, Nevada. To get to your destination, you’re going to need a map–not just any map either, but a current one. Dating is no different.
Tags: Chris Deaver
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