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Posts Tagged ‘Chris Deaver’
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Friday, July 23rd, 2010
In an effort to continue to spread the good word of Fearless Dating, we’re including in today’s post the first chapter of the book. Enjoy! And, feel free to share with friends and family!
Plan for Success
Opening Your Eye of Faith
Have faith to seek first the kingdom of God. We have learned that unshakable faith in the Lord enriches married life and love. Faith in Him increases one’s very capacity to love, both quantitatively and qualitatively.—Elder Russell M. Nelson
Maybe you’ve been home from a full-time mission for a only month or two and have recently happened upon the serious dating scene. Maybe you’re just arriving at that stage in life when you feel comfortable with focusing on dating as a real priority. Whatever your situation, you can surely relate to the feelings of so many singles we know and love. Yes, they want to have fun. And yes, they eventually want to get married. Some are doing everything they can to find the right person with whom they can settle for time and all eternity. Some may even be so anxious to have their dream wedding that they feel like they may have forgotten the real goal. In reality, there is a plan of salvation and exaltation for you, and dating has everything to do with it.
Preparing for success in dating is like making a great movie. It all starts with envisioning a great story. If the writer and director don’t believe they can make a great story, the whole thing will fail. Imagine the actors standing around on set, waiting to deliver lines and perform actions that ultimately lead them nowhere—no final destiny, no game-winning touchdown, no buried treasure, no fair maiden, and no crystal shores. It is an unfortunate end to what could have been a great “happily ever after” and yet, far too often, it’s exactly what happens to those who date without an ultimate goal in mind.
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God Bless the Broken Road
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010
There’s an excellent song by Rascal Flatts with these words:
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
(Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts)
Remember that the Lord knows you, what you’ve been through, where you are in life, and He even knows who you will ultimately marry. He is preparing that person for you, as you prepare yourself for that person. And, you may feel that you are going down a “broken road”. But, truly the Lord is blessing that road to lead you to the eternal happiness you so deeply desire. So, get out there and date. Don’t worry about finding the perfect person immediately–know that it’s a process of elimination that often takes a great deal of time and effort, and dating.
In the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 58, verses 27-29, the Lord stated it perfectly clear when he said, ” Verily I say, men should be aanxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;
For the power is in them, wherein they are aagents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their breward.
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Dating Advice from Steve Young
Monday, April 12th, 2010
Steve Young, one of the most respected quarterbacks to ever play in the NFL, also a direct descendant of the prophet Brigham Young, had his fair share of dating challenges. And yet, through it all, he managed to find and marry his sweetheart, Barbara, in the Temple for time and eternity, and is now blessed with an eternal family. What was HIS secret to success? In his own words, Steve says:
“When I was quarterbacking in the NFL, I often had to throw the ball over huge defenders without knowing exactly where it would land. At the time, my coach told me that this was something that required a leap of faith. By believing that the receiver would be there as I threw the ball, I was able to connect for touchdowns. Similarly, dating fearlessly takes a leap of faith, as well as following great coaching from Heavenly Father. You may not know how everything will turn out in the end, but by staying focused and listening to the Spirit, you will ultimately achieve success.
“I remember being single and what it was like to go through the experience of dating. I also recall feeling the desire to make the best decisions. One thing that I have learned is that going from single to happily married for time and all eternity takes effort and energy. Most of all, it takes selflessness.
“Dating is filled with decisions. And making the best decisions means being your best self and moving forward with faith. This book will help you do that. It’s a great playbook for true dating success. Loaded with advice from the scriptures and great examples, Fearless Dating can make a difference for any Single Latter-day Saint looking to confidently prepare for a great marriage.”
Great advice. And, a great plug for Fearless Dating– 
Chris
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Fearless Dating in the Daily Universe
Wednesday, February 24th, 2010
The BYU Daily Universe just published an article that spotlights Fearless Dating. Check it out here.
Great quote from the article:
Fearless Dating “provides a game-changing proposition: take fear out of the dating equation. In other words, it provides a clear path for how to trust in the Lord by exercising faith in dating.”
Having been a BYU student myself, not so recently as I might like to admit, I know that BYU is a wonderful place to date. With literally thousands of top-notch young adults converging in one place, it presents a rare and amazing opportunity to meet Sister or Brother Right. For many singles, though, it also presents many challenges—including fear. Whether it’s fear of rejection, fear of things not working out, fear of the “DTR”, feelings of anxiety and stress can manifest in so many ways. And it’s a challenge for many, many people.
Being that BYU students are typically perfectionists, this can also mean feeling frustrated with missed opportunities, or feeling pressured to marry fast. And the fact that so many future blessings and opportunities hinge on that one decision only adds to the stress and potential fear. So, whatever the situation, from the recently returned missionary who is apprehensive about diving back into the dating game to the veteran dater who has been in the game for countless Friday nights and still companionless, the book presents a powerful answer. It is this: Eliminate fear from the dating equation. The great thing is that the gospel empowers us to do that, and Fearless Dating: Escape the Singles Ward, Find True Love, and Join the Happily Married is, as Hall of Famer QB Steve Young has said, “a great playbook for true dating success.” In short, it’s a basic guidebook for getting in the game, the most important game of our lives—exaltation.
–Chris
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Dolphins and Game-Changing Dating
Sunday, February 7th, 2010
Dating can be a complex challenge. It is also a high stakes activity. Think about it: What other activity has so many of your key future blessings tied to it? Your kids. Your happiness. Your exaltation.
They say that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. The same is true in dating, especially because it is such a unique challenge–to find the right person to date, at the right time, in the right place, and then to date right. So, taking the same old, same old approach to finding true love and joining the happily married just won’t cut it.
In this, we can take a lesson from an unexpected source: Dolphins. They are presented daily with the challenge of gathering food. It’s extremely complex because their food is living, and it swims, really fast, and it’s small and hard to catch. So, what do they do? Check out the video here and see.
Like the Dolphins that approach a complex problem with a game-changing approach, you should think out of whatever box that isn’t helping you achieve the results you want. It can’t hurt. And you’ll likely end up with a much better prize than fish– most likely hope, encouraging results, and maybe even that special someone you want to spend forever with.
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The Virtuous Woman
Thursday, February 4th, 2010
Who is the virtuous woman? In our lives, we each have seen and know examples of virtuous women. When I started dating Julia, my wife, she told me of a prior situation in which she was dating a young man who was not being respectful toward her and how she had promptly ended that date. After relating that experience to me, she looked me in the eyes and declared firmly, “I am a virtuous woman.”
The virtuous woman is bold, full of conviction and moral courage. She is found serving the Lord. And she is an “Elect Lady” (D&C 25:3).
She considers her work on the earth as a mission–to bless the lives of others. Her greatest joys are found in bringing lasting happiness to Heavenly Father’s children. With Lehi, she partakes of the fruit of the tree of life, the Atonement of Jesus Christ, without shame and shares it freely with her family, friends, and neighbors (1 Nephi 8:12). And she is never found wishing that the iron rod ran through the great and spacious building. She is not perfect, but she strives to be. She is spiritually fit. And through her rigorous exercise of faith, repentance, and service, she finds perfection in the Savior Jesus Christ (Moroni 10:32).
Though tempted by the demands of the urgent and often unimportant, her day-to-day decisions are not based on shifting circumstances or fleeting emotions. Her eyes are fixed on eternity, focused on that all-important objective of Eternal Life. As a result, she has no time for worldly temptations or pleasures, and she does not look upon sin with the least degree of allowance (D&C 1:31). And yet, while she hates sin, she reaches out to bless and hope and prays for the sinner. If ever confronted with evil media on television, in movies, music, or the Internet, she turns it off and walks away without fear. With Noah, she builds her ark of spiritual protection one choice at a time, long before the floods come.
Like a polished, precious stone that inspires reverence, she dresses modestly, and speaks carefully, in a manner that edifies. Instead of following the fashions of the world, “she wears everywhere the most attractive accessory a woman can have: happiness” (Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the Seventy, “True Beauty”, New Era, Nov 2008, 30-33).
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Why Does DATING Rhyme with FRUSTRATING?
Thursday, January 28th, 2010
Frustration. It comes in all shapes and sizes. And, for some reason, it is often found, and perhaps inescapable in the dating game. Like it or not, LDS dating is a tough scene. It’s not for the faint of heart. In the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, wherein we truly believe in miracles, it’s really no surprise that one of the greatest miracles of all–getting married to the right person, in the right place (the Temple), at the right time–takes an incredible amount of effort, patience, and determination. Countless people who are happily married, despite almost losing hope at one point in the dating game and nearly announcing their finalized fate as ministering angels, attest to the fact that dating is hard, and it’s a tough, even extreme kind of sport.
And yet, dating (especially LDS Dating) is definitely not a spectator sport. You can’t sit on the sidelines and expect things to happen.
In the Doctrine and Covenants, section 58:27-28, the Lord declares:
“Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;
By the time I was in my late 20s, although I had dated quite a bit, I had exhausted my list of best dating methods. And I was still wifeless. I had tried dating to find Sister Deaver in my Singles Ward. Failed. I had tried Institute Dances. Failed. I had even tried knocking doors at BYU with my friend Don to find her that way. Failed. One day, some young women in my ward invited me and my roommates to a country dance. Having grown up in California, my experience was that if you listened to country music, you were either made fun of or beat up. But, since I had tried just about everything else to find my wife, I decided to go to the country dance. When we arrived at the dance, I realized that we had to pay $5 to get in. Being thrifty (my wife would say, “cheap”), I was reluctant. My roommate Patrick footed the bill for me (for which I will be eternally grateful).
I immediately saw attractive girls everywhere and suddenly realized that I needed to learn how to dance country! So, I asked girls to dance and told them I was new at it. They were gracious and kind enough to teach me. Then, at one point, I looked across the dance hall, and all the other girls became blurry except one. She stood out from the rest, and made my heart thump so loud I seemed to hear it over the music. I knew, at that moment, that I had to meet her. When the next slow song started, I invited her to dance. Fortunately, Julia said “yes” and I felt a spark inside of me as she spoke and I knew that this woman was amazing. As I stepped on her toes and ran her into others on the dance floor, I saw how patient, kind and loving she was. I knew from the moment I met her that she was for me.
Wisdom, knowledge, and great spiritual blessings like marriage require a certain price. They take time and our best efforts and prayers, as well as following the Spirit, even when it tells us to do something that we may not otherwise want to do (like go to a Country Dance!). As you seek for comfort and strength in your amazing journey through LDS Dating there are many scriptures that can provide you with power to overcome any and every kind of challenges and frustrations.
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LDS Dating: Beware the Temptation to Retreat from a Good Thing
Tuesday, January 19th, 2010
Why are things like dating so difficult? What should you do when what seemed right no longer seems right–when the decision you have made, and the confirmation you received, to date or marry someone suddenly seems off?
One of my favorite quotes ever regarding dating, and having faith in general, comes from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. He once declared:
“I would like to have a dollar for every person in a courtship who knew he or she had felt the guidance of the Lord in that relationship, had prayed about the experience enough to know it was the will of the Lord, knew they loved each other and enjoyed each other’s company, and saw a lifetime of wonderful compatibility ahead–only to panic, to get a brain cramp, to have total catatonic fear sweep over them. They “draw back,” as Paul said, if not into perdition at least into marital paralysis.
“I am not saying you shouldn’t be very careful about something as significant and serious as marriage. And I certainly am not saying that a young man can get a revelation that he is to marry a certain person without that young woman getting the same confirmation. I have seen a lot of those one-way revelations in young people’s lives. Yes, there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. You can find an apartment. You can win over your mother-in-law. You can sell your harmonica and therein fund one more meal. It’s been done before. Don’t give in. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. He wants everyone to be miserable like unto himself. Face your doubts. Master your fears. ‘Cast not away therefore your confidence.’ Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, Devotional at BYU, 2 March, 1999)
LDS dating and marriage are full of challenges. But never let them stop you from doing what you know and feel is right, based on what the Spirit of our Heavenly Father has told you.
What are your thoughts?
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LDS Dating: Choosing the Right Date (aka. Avoiding Monumental Acts of Stupidity)
Sunday, January 10th, 2010
“And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.
“Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, throught he great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself” (2 Nephi 2:26-27).
Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we have been given the blessed gift of agency. It is the freedom to choose the right, to make the best decisions, and to therefore be blessed eternally. What are the right decisions in Dating, especially LDS Dating? Here are some examples of both wrong and right choices.
Some Wrong Choices
I won’t ask out many people because I fear rejection.
Why? Being rejected is never a reason to give up hope. In fact, almost every happily married person experienced some sort of rejection in dating. Rejection is difficult to face, but it may be very helpful in guiding you along to the right person.
I only go to the movies on a first date.
Why? Spending two hours together in silence as you watch a movie is not conducive to conversation. It often leads quickly down “No Second Date Road.”
I’d make sure to be totally alone with my date from the get-go.
Why? Church leaders recommend being in public places together, and not alone in places like a parked car, because it can lead to serious sin that was completely preventable. Good intentions, no matter how good, don’t go well with potentially bad situations.
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LDS Dating: Don’t Procrastinate the Day of Marriage
Sunday, January 10th, 2010
“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” –Socrates
Dating with the right purpose in mind is a lot like driving a car. There’s not one “perfect” way to drive a car, but there are many wrong ways. Driving into oncoming traffic or into a tree, for example, are wrong ways to rive. It is also wrong to drive without knowing where you’re going. That is, if you want to get to Omaha, Nebraska from where you are, you shouldn’t just accelerate onto a random freeway going in any direction. You could end up in California, Kentucky, or even (bless your soul) Mesquite, Nevada. To get to your destination, you’re going to need a map–not just any map either, but a current one. Dating is no different.
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